I have read my fair share of new mommy blogs. They are usually filled with elated anticipation, perfect planning, and crafty cute baby clothes. They also sometimes cause me to vomit in my mouth, just a little bit. These women are so filled with joy by every poopy diaper and gassy burp. It's hard to explain to them that with the addition of each new child these fantastic stories of mommy bliss will be replaced with something far less magical...reality. In an attempt to prepare those sweet idealistic ladies I've composed a list of ways my approach to parenting has changed since owning...I mean being blessed with another child. Don't judge, this will be you one day.
Kid #1: During night time feedings you are alert and promptly burp your baby when he's done.
#3: You slap a boob (or bottle) in his mouth and promptly fall back asleep.
Kid #1: Baths are given every night with specific times and routines.
#3: Running through the sprinkler or dipping them in a pool is sufficient for a day...or two.
Kid #1: You change their diaper each time they are wet or stinky.
#3: You change their diaper when they tell you "Mom I smell like shit!"
Kid #1: You patiently explain to your child why they are being reprimanded and think of a fair punishment.
#3: You give them the look of death before threatening to cancel Christmas and throwing out all their toys.
Kid #1: Everything that goes in their mouth is sterilized.
#3: Your spit and a quick wipe on your shirt is all the sterilizer you need.
Kid #1: Won't be in someone elses care until you go back to work.
#3: You'll let the delivery man watch them if it allows you to take an uninterrupted shower.
Kid #1: Gets wet P.J.'s replaced with fresh new clean ones each time.
#3: You pray a strong gust of wind blows that sucker dry so you won't have to do more laundry.
Kid #1: Must ALWAYS to go potty in a properly cleaned bathroom.
#3: Bushes, trees, and public beaches are good enough.
What idea of perfection have you given up on?
Striving for mediocrity from Boyland,