I consider myself a pretty progressive and forward-thinking parent. The lines of communication are always open in my home. My boys know they can talk to mom about anything; whether it be bodily changes, girls, or the dreaded 3-letter-word. Most people I talk to say they have a lot of anxiety about having the sex talk with their kids. My approach has always been keep it age appropriate and only answer the questions they are asking. That way they don't get information overload or have to think about things outside their realm of comprehension.
My son Tyler (who will be 12 next week) and I have spoken about hair growing in various places, why his penis often salutes him in the morning (and yes we call it a penis, not a wee wee, or some other ridiculous word), and even his first relationship that lasted all of 4 days. Not to toot my own horn, but I consider myself a pro when handing these matters. There's no topic I can't handle! Yeah I'm about to EAT those words.
Tonight my mother-in-law invited us to dinner. This makes me happy for three reasons: 1) I don't have to cook 2) I get to see my BFF who rents the apt downstairs from my mom-in-law and 3) I don't have to cook. The boys and I usually stop by to see "The Vickster", as we call her, and she and I catch up on our weekly gossip. On the way over to her house Ty asked me if I knew that the rapper Nicki Minaj's last name meant "threesome". I quickly and awkwardly explained that "Minaj" or "menage" actually means group (thank you 8th grade English). Of course his next question was "Then what does "menage e trois" mean?" If you think these are the words I was dreading, you are wrong.....it gets SO much worse. I told him I would tell him later, since his 4 year old brother was in the car with us.
So back at Vickster's apartment, Bryson had gone upstairs, and Tyler posed his question once again. This time I told him it had to do with three people doing "you know what" (yea not my finest hour). Then he said something that sent chills up my spine. It went a little something like this...
Tyler: "By the way mom, I think I heard something one night ."
Me: "What do you think you heard?" (Please don't say what I think you are going to say)
Tyler: "Well one night I woke up around 10 o'clock" (Oh no) "And I thought Bryson was making noise" (Oh please God NO!) "So I went into his room to check on him but he was asleep. I heard the noise coming from your room." (Oh sweet Jesus!)
Me: (With a lump in my throat watching Vickster hold back laughter) "You probably heard me and dad tickling each other" (That was totally lame!)
And then the words NO parent wants to hear!
Tyler: "I don't think 'OHHH UHHH' sounds like tickling!
Just fucking shoot me.
Caught in the Act in Boyland,