Being pregnant is lonely. I realized everyone cares when you announce the big news and once the baby arrives the excitement flares up again. However, those 9 months in between, not so much. I think about you nearly every moment of everyday (and not just because I started a blog about you). I know it sounds weird, but I can't wait to start sporting the paparazzi worthy "baby bump". At least then people will understand my shit-eating grin and obsession with all things baby. Until then it's just me and you kid.
You are so tiny and vulnerable right now. You look more like a seahorse then a baby, but tiny hands and feet are already forming. You've almost doubled in size since last week (even though you are about the size a blueberry) and are 10,000 times bigger then you were at conception. Technically you are still considered an embryo, since your tail-like spine has yet to shrink. But, that's about the only thing that will be shrinking anytime soon. My belly hasn't reached full bump status yet, so if I were a celebrity the caption under my picture would still read "Is she or isn't she?”. I'd tell you what the dead giveaway would be, the melon sized transformation of my lady lumps. The "girls" are already preparing for the feeding fest that will begin when you get here. That just adds to the laundry list of symptoms your momma is feeling including mood swings, ass-kicking fatigue, and psychedelic-like room spinning each time I stand up.
My main concern right now is that everything is growing as it should. I know it's silly; women get pregnant everyday. God's been doing this baby-making thing for a long time now; I think he's pretty much got down to a science. It's no time for me to lose faith. As you will learn I am possibly the most impatient person you will ever meet. So telling me I have to wait 9 whole months to meet you is not an easy pill to swallow. But I'm trying to enjoy each minute.
On Monday my dear friend Caitlin gave birth to her baby girl, Clara. When I saw the pictures that her husband posted on their new baby website C is for Clara, I remembered how magical it was the first time I held your brothers. It's so amazing that babies are now technologically connected out of the womb. It's the most amazing feeling to look down at them, as they gaze up at you with the same wonder and love. I can't wait to feel that with you.
Counting the days from Boyland,
I spoke to a fellow mother today (at your brother's drama class) about the prospect of having three children. My plea was simple: Does the 3rd child push you over the edge? Her answer was simply and awkwardly laughed "Yes!" She then explained to me that her original idealistic plan was to have a brood of 4. I'm sure this plan included a dog, an organized schedule, and perfectly planned nutritious meals. Instead they've got the dog, drama, voice, soccer, baseball practice, and most meals are eaten in the car to or from the aforementioned activities. She said once little Ray (Bryson's favorite HVC playmate) was born, this mom decided that her baby-making factory would officially close its doors, and having a fourth child was completely out of the question. She admitted that part of the issue with three kids was that she was not able to control nearly as much of her life as she could with two. With three kids play-dates, practices, and rehearsals control you like a sad little puppet, flailing through your day.
I knew that I would one day have children, however I really never imagined that I'd attempt more then a pair. Your older brother was not in my plan at age 16, but he was the best thing to ever happen to me. I don't think you would be you, if I hadn't first been Ty's mom. He not only pushed me to be responsible and finish college on-time, but he is one of the reasons your father and I found each other (that's a whole other post). It went from being just me and Ty for 5 years, to meeting your dad, and finally the arrival of your brother Bryson, it was all an adjustment. I had to learn to balance 3 men in my life who were all vying for my attention. Thankfully Ty is great at entertaining himself and Bry. I just hope I can keep some of my sanity once you arrive.
Since I only seem be fertile in the spring and have timed all of my deliveries within a few weeks of Christmas, Bryson will not be old enough to attend kindergarten this coming fall. Which means you will get to spend almost a full year at home with us. This wouldn't be an issue if Bryson wasn't still figuratively attached to my umbilical cord. He is the kid who clings to my leg at pre-school drop off, says he misses me even though we are together everyday, and pauses video games to let me know he loves me. I feel he is going to have a rude awakening once you arrive.
I realize right now I do have it pretty good. At any moment we can be on the road, with little more then some juice boxes and hand-held games. Introducing baby bags, nursing breaks, and unexpected diaper changes will certainly shake up the current flow of all our lives, but I'm optimistic that adding you to the mix will only make life more fulfilling.
Categories 3 kids
Life consistently surprises and shocks me (depending on the day). I didn't realize I should be writing these posts to you, little baby. Wow, all I can feel when I think of you is LOVE. We are so lucky to be blessed with you in our lives. I guess you should know you will be born into one of the most loving, but often stinky families. The odor, bad jokes, and insane behavior is courtesy of your two older brothers; Ty & Bryc. They will undoubtedly torment, annoy, cuddle, and protect you for the rest of your life. Then there is the queen of shopping and all things pink, your Aunt LaLa. She will shower you with more candy and chicken nuggets then you could possibly comprehend. You will have two awesome grandmas, Nani and Gaga. Yeah I know they have cool names! These lovely ladies will lavish you (alliteration at its best!) with movie dates, big hugs, adoration, and sleepovers. (I'm sure those will be your favorite).
I'm going to enjoy this journey with you. I can't wait to share everything with you, your Dad and brothers. Speaking of your Dad, he's a full-time "mans-man", equipped with sports trivia, a smart mouth, love of BBQ sauce, and bigger love for all of us (sometimes I think we come in a close 2nd j/k ). He is the yin to my yang. He has made everything I've experienced in the last 6 years far more amazing then I could have imagined. I know you'll love him too. Oh yeah and then there is me. Well, you may have noticed I love to get it on with words. Whether they be written, spoken, rhymed, or sang I am a fan of them. Sometimes they flow onto these pages like an unstoppable river, while other times they trickle like a leaky faucet, but I have a feeling writing letters to you won't be hard at all.
Inspired from Boyland,
Journals are my crack. They get me excited, tingly, and itching with a feeling of exhilaration each time I break a new one open. I love writing the date on the top line, followed by a verbal onslaught ranging from daily reflections, lyrics, ideas, and sometimes child-like drawings (when the words aren't quite flowing). Today I may find out if I am, indeed, with child. My monthly reminder has yet to make itself known. Which either means it is running on CP time (look it up) or a baby has taken up residence in my uterus. I will be overjoyed with the latter, but not surprised if this month is a lost cause.
This morning began another grueling day of P90X. I actually really loved this workout. It has the right combination of cardio (for my flabby parts), abs (for my poochy parts), and weights (for everything in between). We stopped just short of finishing the whole routine, bypassing the "bonus" portion, and skipping ahead to the cool down. It wasn't that bad. I felt more toned and athletic (with a hint of queasy) then ever before. As I went to begin my morning omelet, I realized the sheer thought of 6 eggs white, cheese, and mushrooms was going to send me straight to the porcelain gods. Vitamins on an empty stomach = tossing your cookies, even when you haven't eaten any.
With nausea no longer on my mind, I was able to deal with far more life-changing events. On Friday, my 87 year old grandma moved on to her next adventure. This woman sacrificed, fed, sheltered, and loved 7 children, 14 grandchildren, and 6 great-grand-children. She taught me to drink proper tea and speak to proper boys. She provided a safe place for her family; doing all the things grandmas "should" and "shouldn't" do. She was once an artist and will always be my Nana.
With Love from Boyland,