Yesterday I took your brothers for a much needed haircut. Tyler had been sweating profusely during basketball camp and Bryson's hair began to form curls that closely resembled devil horns. After seeing our favorite barber Joe, I decided I was looking about as shaggy as our chicken bone-eating Cocker Spaniel (I'll get to those shenanigans in the next post) and needed to update my style as well. So I waited my turn for Lucy, a sassy Dominican hairstylist, who often has a long line of clients requesting her services. I was fit in between two women who were lathered up with various shades of brown hair dye. I knew it would take all of 15 minutes for her to greet me, catch up on the family, and give me a cute trim. She is not only one of the few people I trust with my hair, in an all Caucasian mall salon, but she only charges me $15.
As I approached her she immediately looked down at my visibly large belly and said "Wow it HAS been a long time since I've seen you". I chuckled because in truth I hadn't had my hair cut in at least 8 months, possibly more, so her surprise was definitely warranted. As I sat down in the chair, she draped the generic black smock over me and asked, "How far along are you?". I answered 5 months ( technically I am in the middle of my 5th month since pregnancy lasts 40 weeks and each month is longer then 4 weeks) but I didn't need to be that exact. She then proceeded to make the boisterous observation, "Wow you are SO BIG for 5 months, you must be having a big baby! There might even be two!" Huh...what...how dare....but I'm not.... was the flurry of word diarrhea that tried to escape my lips. WHY? WHY oh why do people, without a medical degree, feel that they can or should make amateur judgments on the size MY pregnant stomach. If someone were audacious enough to ask how much I weigh, and I told them 180 lbs, would it then be OK for them to say,"Oh no you must be at least 192". WTF!
I know it was an innocent and harmless passing comment, but it irks me that relative strangers deem it socially acceptable to speak on the various developments of something that is so personal and individual. Don't get me wrong I am certainly looking like I am hiding a soccer ball under my shirt, but the rest of me is the same size I was pre-pregnancy. I eat pretty well, and running around behind a your messy 4 year old brother has created built-in exercise. I've only gained 10 POUNDS for heavens sake!You wanna see big? Check me out a week before I delivered your brother Bryson, I was a HEFFER!!!
9 Months Pregnant With Bryson
Here is a great list of things you should be tarred and feathered for saying to a woman growing another human being:
1) Any and all comments about how big she is.
2) "Can I touch your belly?"
3) "Oh my God, you're having another baby?"
4) Any and all unsolicited advice about baby names.
5) "Are you going to get him circumcised?"
6) "You're not going to eat that, are you?"
7) "Did you use fertility drugs?"
8) "Was this an oops?"
9) "So do you have hemorrhoids? Mine were just awful."
10)"So this is your first? Oh my God, with my first, I had horrible back labor for THIRTY hours, and then I needed a C-section and was in pain for WEEKS and the baby didn't sleep through the night until she was two years old..."