It seems like I'm on a roll this week. First I was feeling remorse for wanting to chase after my dreams in fear that my children will resent me, or at the least give me sad eyes. Now I'm being afflicted with another age old dilemma-- daughter guilt.
Let me back up to two weeks ago when my mom underwent hip surgery for deteriorating arthritis condition. This is something I had been urging her to do for months. She put if off because I was pregnant and didn't want to be a burden to me with a newborn. Finally 6am last Tuesday, I drove her down to NYC for her appointment, with 4 month old, Nolan, in tow.
The procedure was a success; my mom recuperated a few days in the hospital, followed by a week at a rehab facility near my house. Everyday the kids and I visited my mom while at the rehab center, I brought her coffee, slippers, and muffins because hospital food is notoriously bland. I tried my best to make sure she was comfortable.
Today she was due for her two week follow-up, which I had every intention of taking her to. I think the Universe had other plans. I don't know if it's because Mercury is in retrograde, but I should have never attempted to drive back to the city this morning. Here is what happened between 7am when I woke up and 9:45am, when I decided today was a wash.
1. Woke up congested and stuffy, coughing up stuff nearly Ecto-cooler green. (we just finished watching Ghostbusters)
2. Changed Nolan into clean outfit, which was then covered in poop that ran out the sides of the diaper and up his back. (Isn't that against the laws of nature?)
3. Bryson went into a coughing fit. I then raced him to the bathroom so that he could throw up the medicine and waffles he just ate.
4. I tried to maneuver around an open door to get the baby in the car and scratched a chunk of skin off my foot.
After all that I figured taking a 2 1/2 hour trip to the city with one sick kid, and one sick mommy wasn't a good idea. Instead I asked my mom to reschedule her appointment for later in the week when she would feel up to going alone.
Now I have this overwhelming feeling that I am somehow letting my mom down. My mom has done so much for me and my family; from helping me raise my son when I was barely an adult, to taking care of me after my recent home birth. I owe her so much, which is why it kills me to flake out on her.
Do you ever feel the daughter guilt?
Calling it a day from Boyland,